#hotmess

I just had an artistic mess revelation.

Well, it’s not so much a revelation about the artistic qualities of mess, as much a revelation about being artistic and messed up and making a mess.

Bear with me, this might just be going somewhere.

I was feeling stressed today – no need to go into why – so pretty much fell on my scrap table the minute I had the chance.

It’s pure therapy for me and pretty much the only activity guaranteed to restore me to myself.

I wanted to make a page about me, that felt like me. I wonder if that makes sense?

So I started with a ‘Suse blue’ background, then added a fairly tidy grid that became increasingly layered and quirky… not unlike me.

At the end, I raided Kitty’s scraps stash for something black and white to go along the edge.

“The wrong side of a branding strip,” I decided, “That’s what I want: something a little bit quietly weird.”

Quietly weird: again, not unlike me.

“Gosh, what a pretty jumble,” I thought as I stood back to survey the final page.

Then I looked at my desk area and gulped. Notice that you’re not getting a photo of that particular hot mess.

So then it struck me: part of my internal messiness relates to my battling conflicting desires.

I crave a beautiful, ordered house, a visually put-together online presence and pretty, (somewhat) ordered layouts – and yet I still desperately need to get out the carnival of chaos inside of me.

Which, of course, happens via making a total mess.

So – I guess I’m:

“…a colourful, quirky, quietly weird (yet tidy) mess maker, who makes a physical mess as she escapes her feelings of internal mess, only to have those feelings swiftly replaced by panic at the very real physical mess she’s made while de-messing.”

Gosh, what a mess.

7 thoughts on “#hotmess

  1. manxbanshee

    I totally get that – holding two or more totally different things/ needs together at once.
    I find Easter a difficult time (particularly this year because of the dates for Easter) my Mum died in hospital on the Monday of Holy Week 16 years ago and we spent Easter in a very raw place – I remember how difficult it was being surrounded by all the church posters full of stuff about death & resurrection. But over the years I’ve realised Holy Week will always be (and probably should be for me and I should allow myself to do that) a time of great highs and lows, with times of quiet reflection/ introspection and times of joy and sociability – this year has already been that and more (most of it unplanned).
    So go for it and embrace the contradictions – the contradictions are what makes each of us… us and helps us find the joy – so enjoy 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, I am so dreadfully sorry to hear about your mum and the tough times you experience at this time of year, Manxbanshee. Loss is so hard and I’m not sure we ever reach the end of grief.

      I’ve also lost my mum but have – somewhat oddly – blocked out the date from my memory and even how many years ago it was. I’m not great with dates, but feel like I may have done it deliberately so that only Mother’s Day and her birthday are ‘missing you’ days.

      Thank you ever so much for this comment, friend xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. manxbanshee

        Usually I don’t remember the date (14th April) just Monday of Holy Week, but there’s other things tied up with Holy Week/ Easter over the years that make it a reflective time/ a time to take stock in a positive way – so your post was really good in reminding (again) me that apparently totally contradictory things can sit together and that is fine xx

        Liked by 2 people

  2. This is a gorgeous layout Suse, really beautiful and really *you*

    I totally know what you mean about getting it all out on the paper, it’s super therapeutic – sometimes you need to pour what you’re feeling into something creative and use that as a vessel for all the ‘stuff’ that’s going on!

    I’ve been going through a whole feelings-jumble since the end of last year, which happened to coincide with my crafty beginnings (no accident, I think) – I clearly needed to put everything into something positive as I wasn’t coping very well.

    Seeing your feed always brings me joy and so much inspiration (I know I’m not alone), it helps me to keep creating my own #hotmess whilst trying to untangle the jumble which is still bouncing along behind me.

    x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Just wondering whether the physical mess at the end is actually a gift because it can easily be reordered and gives a tangible reminder of the internal process we have just been through….?

    Liked by 1 person

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